oh, oh, forgiveness

We are only whole when we share in the brokenness of others.

I was reminded of this yesterday. I was reminded because someone said it.

In the same setting, I was asked to consider forgiveness. And I was reminded what forgiveness means.

We’ve all heard people say (or have said ourselves—I plea guilty) with hate and anger and resentment the words: “I will forgive, but I will never EVER forget.”

That’s not forgiveness.

But forgiveness does not HAVE to mean forgetting. You do not have to forget to forgive.

But you have to forgive without gritting your teeth, clenching your hands, curling your toes, or…growling.

“Well what did he do to ever deserve my forgiveness?” we ask.

Nothing. He did nothing to deserve your forgiveness. She has only ever hurt you. She only left you to feel abandoned. He made you feel powerless and alone.

So what did these people ever do? Nothing, really…

But here is what I needed to be reminded of among many other things yesterday: I don’t deserve God’s forgiveness. I am not entitled to it. God does not owe me forgiveness. God doesn’t owe me anything.

But I and you and all are so deeply loved by God, all equally undeserving of grace and love and mercy and FORGIVENESS. But in love—BIG GOD-SIZED LOVE, we have received all of those things. We didn’t earn them. We still mess up. I still do things for which I am ashamed.

But whenever I decide to stop walking away from God. Whenever I decide to stop—pivot—face God—and start walking again—I will not be facing a back, but a front. I will be received again. I will be forgiven. I will be aware again of the love that I had forgotten, but never left me. I will be engulfed by love.

So why is it so hard for us to forgive each other? Or ourselves? Sometimes, I think, we feel like forgiveness is like giving up and surrendering and saying, “You win, person who hurt me very much.”

But I don’t think so. I think we are really confused. Forgiveness is not only for the person receiving it. It is for the person giving it. It is to free us up from the bondage of our anger and resentment. Forgiveness sets us free to love in a way that we were and are loved by others and God.

Forgiveness is for God. It strengthens God’s kingdom and expands God’s love on earth.

I’m not telling you to forget. But I bet once you forgive, it’ll be a lot easier to let go of remembering.

Forgive someone. Forgive yourself. It’s liberating. It’s beautiful to be set free.

And God has forgiven us. Even though none of us deserved it. We are all broken. And it is in sharing in one another’s brokenness that we are made whole. Sharing in God’s amazing endless unconditional love.

You are loved.